Comedy

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Randy:
There are certain RULES that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie.

For instance, number one: you can never have sex.

[crowd boos]

BIG NO NO! BIG NO NO! Sex equals death, okay?

Number two: you can never drink or do drugs.

[crowd cheers and raises their bottles]

The sin factor! It's a sin. It's an extension of number one.

And number three: never, ever, ever under any circumstances say, "I'll be right back." Because you won't be back.

Stu:
I'm gettin' another beer, you want one?

Randy:
Yeah, sure.

Stu:
I'll be right back!

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By: Jamie Kennedy | Matthew Lillard
Characters: Randy (Scream) | Stuart (Scream)
From: Scream
Genres: Comedy | Horror | Thrillers

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The more you say I can't say something, the more urgent it is for me to say it. It has nothing to do with what you are saying I can't say. It has everything to do with my freedom of artistic expression... They said everything about gender… they didn't say anything about art.

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By: Dave Chappelle
Genres: Comedy

Context:
Comedian Dave Chapelle on why he declined to have his Washington DC high school's new theater named after him. The decision was made over student backlash to his Netflix comedy special "The Closer." Chapelle said he was "sincerely hurt" by the protests from students when he visited his alma mater in November of 2021.

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I'm really trying to be, friends with you. But, I'd appreciate it, if you'd stop laying these little judgments on me, while you're leaning on your daddy's $40,000 car.

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By: Rebecca De Mornay
Characters: Lana (Risky Business)
From: Risky Business
Genres: Comedy | Crime | Cult Cinema | Drama | Romance

Context:
Lana (played by Rebecca De Mornay) gets upset at Joel (Tom Cruise). Lana is a prostitute Joel has fallen for and he inadvertently criticizes her lifestyle while they are out on a date.

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I don't believe this! I've got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.

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By: Curtis Armstrong
Characters: Miles Dalby
From: Risky Business
Genres: Comedy | Crime | Cult Cinema | Drama | Romance

Context:
Miles Dalby (Curtis Armstrong) and his best friend Joel (Tom Cruise) are being chased through the streets of Chicago by Guido (Joe Pantoliano), after picking up Lana (Rebecca De Mornay), a prostitute Joel previously spent the night with, who stole from from Joel. Miles and Joel don't realize Lana was supposed to be working for Guido that night.

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Sometimes you gotta say "What the Fuck", make your move. Joel, every now and then, saying "What the Fuck", brings freedom. Freedom brings opportunity, opportunity makes your future. So your parents are going out of town. You got the place all to yourself.

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By: Curtis Armstrong
Characters: Miles Dalby
From: Risky Business
Genres: Comedy | Crime | Cult Cinema | Drama | Romance

Context:
Miles Dalby (Curtis Armstrong) is trying to convince his best friend Joel (Tom Cruise) to take advantage of an opportunity - Joel's parents have gone away on vacation and he has the house to himself. Miles then grabs a newspaper and begins searching for a prostitute for Joel.

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My name is Joel Goodson. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over eight thousand dollars in one night. Time of your life, huh kid?

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By: Tom Cruise
Characters: Joel Goodson
From: Risky Business
Genres: Comedy | Crime | Cult Cinema | Drama | Romance

Context:
Joel Goodson (played by Tom Cruise) reflects in a voiceover on his ability to succeed in the business of being a pimp and running a brothel out of his parent's home, while they are away on vacation.

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I don’t have to leave the theater whistling, but would it kill you once in a while to make a movie that doesn’t make me want to take a bath with the toaster. Academy nominations used to say, 'Look what great movies we make.' Now they say, 'Look what good people we are.' It’s not about entertainment, it’s about suffering, specifically yours.

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By: Bill Maher
From: Real Time with Bill Maher
Genres: Comedy | Drama | Parody

Context:
Bill Maher made the point on his show Real Time with Bill Maher, that we could use more escapism in movies during this year of plague and tumult. The statement was discussed in an article about cultural shifts in the art of moviemaking and the shrinking audience of The Academy Awards by Maureen Dowd.

source: www.nytimes.com,  

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I'll rip out your eyes and piss on your brain!

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By: Paul Gleason
Characters: Clarence Beeks
From: Trading Places
Genres: Comedy | Cult Cinema

Context:
Paul Gleason (as Clarence Beeks) says to two train baggage handlers, played by Senator Al Franken and Tom Davis, after they walk in on him just as Gleason is about to kill Dan Aykroyd ( as Louis Winthorpe III), Eddie Murphy (as Billy Ray Valentine), and Jamie Lee Curtis (as Ophelia). Gleason has figured out they are attempting to steal a top secret crop report from him before he can hand it over to Ralph Bellamy and Don Ameche (as Randolph & Mortimer Duke), so they can corner the stock market.

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I love the mornings! I clap my hands every morning and say, 'This is gonna be a great day!'

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By: Jared Jussim
Characters: Dicky Fox
From: Jerry Maguire
Genres: Comedy | Drama | Romance | Sports

Context:
Jerry Maguire (Tom Cruise) is lying in bed one morning when suddenly the radio comes on and wakes him up with a jolt after having slept with his associate Dorothy Boyd (Renée Zellweger) the night before. Maguire has been challenged with the direction of his life while attempting to start his own sports management agency. The screen flashes to Dickey Fox (Maguire's mentor) in his office, where Fox utters these words.